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In Side the Mind of Knuckelhead

    I have been gone for over 8 months from the 3D art community. Before I begin this blog about what happened to with me in 2017 I would like to thank a few people for standing by me weather it been in silence or outspoken to let me heal. Pieriko, Sir your last email you sent really allowed me to really think about what was my buy in to Art even being the worst artist on the block with tons of ideas, for you alone know this and accepted that from the day you met me thank you. Mr. Kent thank you for the first light at the end of the tunnel that showed me another way to create art despite the fact i could not draw a stick figure if my life depended on it :). Mr. Burke thank you for serving our country as now I carry that torch in the Army everyday. Thank you for sharing your life and what you do with your family and giving me a chance to use my ideas for the CG Community. Mr. Williamson thank you for creating CG Cookies team and the wonderful place to allow us all to learn, and thank you for showing us that it is OK to share when we are Burnt out! Last but not the least I would like to thank PCG, When we all met it was about just having fun and creating things nothing more nothing less, you guys got me to create somethings that I always wanted to try, even though we broke up in the end that was one the funniest time I had. 

 What happened to Knuckelhead? 

    After becoming an ambassador for CG Cookies Community Creating contest and having a role in the community, I faced a lot of life issues. The biggest one was my Mother ending up on life support and wondering if i would have to go home to pull the plug. I lucked out and she survived after behind on bed rest the entire month of January. The second hard thing for me to bear was work. As a leader in the Army we never really get to pick what jobs and what teams we are placed on. I got put on a new team and i was left in charge of an important job, which started to distract my focus. The next thing was College, I have been working over 16 years while being on active duty to accomplish this goal and I was going to do it at all cost! The last things that really Burnt me out was trying to push the limits of how much I could offer to the CG Community with the contest I ran. I ran into a lot of issues and bumped a lot of heads with friends i made within the community. There was a really big disagreement that I had with two of them that were very close to me, also there was a big perception of what others were thinking of me that I did not like at all. Even though I was trying to stay afloat I had lost my vision for art and when trying to do what I used to do for fun to a standard I failed and also failed myself in doing something that was not who i was. This caused me to leave the CG Community and until I had a very personal and frank conversation with Pieriko I didn't realize what it was that made me want to do art and why I am writing this today. 

What does Knuckelhead mean?

    My name means just what it says. I am a knuckelhead and yes it is spelled wrong because WOW would not let me spell it right when I wanted the names. I have always had fun doing thing as long as i did not have to confine my self to the Most Effective Tactics Available. This allowed me to find other ways to do the things I love and not stop. Being this way broke alot of bridges for me and really good Friends and followers could not understand who I was. I also stopped doing what I did for fun and burnt our fast because i was not true to myself on what I wanted out of my art. As i qoute a good mentor of mine in Art "**** It" do what makes you happy and continue your art" is one reason I am creating this post. 

Why are you coming back?

    I saw a chance to give something to someone who is not fortunate enough to pay for something. I was sent a second set of CG Masters videos and when i saw a friend who wanted to do 3D art but could not afford anything because he makes the sacrifice to serve as his fathers keeper instead of have his own life i knew this was the right thing to do. I was going to have a contest and give them away as prizes but to see the humbling affection on my friends face I could not think of a better way to pay it forward for Lee and his team at CG Masters. This also started a spark in me to do a self reflection and ask can you go back to just making art for fun and if you complete your dream of having a team to create animated movies or not can you continue to learn your way. Yes, I can! 

How have the issues in your life fizzled away?

   My mother is doing ok. She has made it through the year and still breathing the next time i get a chance to go back home to St Louis I will make a point to see her and tell her I love her before it is to late. College well i got my degree and some time this year i will start on my Masters! Army life... I took the new job head on and was successful where now today my leaders are depending on me to perform at the highest level possible for every task. Being looked at by CSMs and Generals for the work you do is very scary and humbling at the same time to know you need to handle your missions with care. CG Cookies... I do not know where i stand with thier staff as of today, but I do know they have always been there for me in the background siliently waiting to hear what i have to say. Wheather i come back to the community as an ambasador or just another student eaither way i am comming back to do Art the Kncukelhead way! 

What will be your first project?